News: Coming Out

The world changed while I was in private rehab. I had isolated myself for healing and training. I blocked everything out but the small freelance missions I took in the black market to rehone my skills.

I finally felt ready to get a real look at the world again and decide how I want to step back into it, since I have been ignoring the comm codes to report back to the CIA. Did I trust them? Did they set me up? Did they know what I was? Do they now? What will they do with me? I needed answers without being trapped in their web of lies and service.

The first big question I had to ask myself was… am I ready to be back? That answer was a no. I know I still won’t pass a psych exam. The nightmares are still bad and mornings leave me sometimes shaking too much to trust holding a cup of coffee. I sleep badly on good nights. Dark moons? I am better to not go to sleep at all those nights. I am glad my loft is so soundproof. I am sure the screams would wake the neighbors otherwise. I suppose I am improved since I actually get some sleep now whereas in October… I had days where I was so fogged that I could not tell reality from nightmare and had to beg Patrick for sedatives.

It is now February 2012…

I have better control of myself, even though the nightmares still come. I shake less. I can manage to slip into places and get intel. I can still take out a target. I don’t sleep on Dark Moons. Mornings are a series of meditation, katas with and without blades, honoring of the blades way of the Sword as I had been taught… though I usually do this now with this klaive rather than one of the other blades I usually work with. I like the feel of it in my hands. I kneel respectfully with it across my lap and just study the symbol upon it. Sometimes they change. I seem to always be able to read them. Sometimes I think it is just communicating with me. Sometimes I think it is laughing at me. I wish Fahr was here to advise me. Fahr…

I turn on the TV and radio now and then to get the public news. I dig out the supposedly secure laptop I was issued and dig up news that may not be made public. And it is nothing of what I expect.

Vampires are real.

Vampires of come out of the proverbial coffin or closet or whatever.

Vampires are in positions of power… and openly admit it.

I take a moment to digest this news. I recall what I learned from Fahr. Vampires, litch, leeches. All the same. Although Fahr used to make a distinction. While they were all leeches, bloodsuckers, Vampires had a degree of class and respectability… maybe even honor in some way. They had a code and laws that they adhered to very strongly. Litches, abandoned that and are little better than a rabid undead tiger determined to drain you of blood and life. I don’t yet know how to tell the difference. Hell, I have never met any vampires directly and been told THIS is a vampire. I have no idea of knowing if someone is or not. And whose side are they on? What… who... will they feed on? Are the stories and myths true? What works and what doesn’t? How do I kill one if I have to? Have I killed a target already who was a vampire and all he is doing now is laughing and re-establishing himself?

Who… or what… runs the major corporations that are the fragile support of our country right now? Runs the CIA? Runs the government?

So many secrets.

I need to know.

I smash my comm. The flashing was annoying.

Guess I really am rogue now.